from now on my penis is your penis
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
