I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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