wanna go halves on a baby?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
