Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
