theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
