yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
