I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
