Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i think i have two assholes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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