The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
