I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize