Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
