if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
