Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize