I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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