I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
