You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
