What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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