it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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