I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
