I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I deserve this hangover.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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