turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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