Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
