Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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