Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize