Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
