I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
