you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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