Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
