I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
