the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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