when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
