This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize