Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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