We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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