he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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