you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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