She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My feet surprised me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
