Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize