Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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