You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
