my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
