Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
