Got a toothbrush?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize