I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
