I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize