How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
