I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
