You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
