I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
