I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize