where does the pee come out of this thing
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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