It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
