Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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