so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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