Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
