it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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