Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If that was your dad, he is hot
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
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