After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
