he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
