Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
