Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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