Sry I called you an 8
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
