i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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