Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my poor anus
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
