someone threw a dead crab at me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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