i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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