i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize