hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
